A letter to Morrisons - releasing my inner snob

Dear Morrisons,

I am very concerned about the outcome of the recent refurbishment of your Whitley store in Reading. I appreciate that it takes a while for a consumer to learn how to navigate a new store layout but I had particular difficultly today. Every isle had been reorganised making it incredibly hard to locate salt and sugar laden children's snacks. While desperately searching for a week's worth of “ready meals” I staggered upon a sight to behold: a verdant array of foliage complete with a metallic sculpture releasing dry ice. Was it a Halloween promotion? The set from Gorillas in The Mist? I was waiting for Sigorny Weaver to pop out with a silverback when suddenly it dawned on me – this is the new salad section. The fancy metal contraption surrounding the mini rainforest was not pumping out solid carbod dioxide, as I had first assumed, but WATER VAPOUR to keep the produce fresh. The biodiversity was quite bewildering. It contained fresh herbs, salad leaves and dark leafy green vegetables (with magnesium, iron, vitamins and antioxidants) that could be used for preparing a healthy meal. With all due respect I believe you have misunderstood your clientèle. I doubt that the residents of South Reading require raw ingredients with which to cook and it tests my credence to think that they would know what to do with samphire (yes, samphire!). If I had wanted a stripy spherical aubergine I would have chosen to shop at Waitrose in Caversham.

Yours disappointedly,

Gemma

PS I was, however, impressed with the Wines, Beers and Spirits section which now seems to take up the majority of the store and is filled with a wide enough selection of alcopops to keep the local school kids happy. And I eagerly await a Christmas Buy One Get Two Free promotion for Tanqueray.